AGAIN DISSAPOINTMENT!!

As always!!! I don't know why???  My dream to find my partner just disappear!! 

I went to a special place really near to Bogotá with a special, and old friend, he invited me to have fun, to have really good moments. He was such a marvelous seducer, He was a quite meticulous man... poem, ring, glasses of wine, and romantic words... I realize that he had sincere intentions, even he propose to me to start a relationship, no way!!!  to fall in love... 

I was thinking... but also enjoying, just making memories!!! But, he had a strong problem... he feels that is not enough for me, he lacks self-value.😔

Why??? I asked him about it, but I didn't get any answer.   

I am again disappointed, 💔 really??? I'm not the kind of woman who deserves that behavior from a serious man, but even though, I wanna wait for the correct one. I don't know when or how, but I strongly believe in myself, my dreams, and all that I deserve. 

Poema dedicado a mí y aún sentimiento escondido años atrás!!!

A NEW CHALLENGE TO MY LIFE!!

 

When I finally ended a chapter of my life, after getting a MET certificate of Achievement B2, I received a call from the head of the investigation department of the college "La Salle", Jesus Christ!!, so,  Leyder told me... María Fernanda, we want to know if is possible that you to participate in our team as a writer of the book "The way to the green footprint: a strategy to transition to a culture of care an integral ecology"... My god, I just could take a deep breath and to said to him: "yes" no more, no way!! Me???.  

God is giving me the opportunity to do something that always has been a dream for me..." to become a writer", I mean that is the best chance to get knowledge, and also experience to develop my strong dream.

So, now, I have the challenge to create chapter three: "compromise, agreements, declaration (for the agenda 2030), in this chapter, I will respond to all curricular emphasis and intentions of the Ecologic Nodo. 

Finally I did it!!!

After many years of really hard work... I did it!!! I could get my certification as level B2 of proficiency in English!!

Today I want to thank you, God, as you know,  I have been doing an effort to get deep learning, and to improve my level of English every single day!!! 

 Finally as always, if you release your strong dreams to the universe, and to work with a real resolution, it all just happen!!! 

LOOKING FOR NEW EXPECTATIONS

I used to think that being loved is almost like winning the lottery!!  

Nowadays,  I strongly believe that being loved needs to start by myself, my true love, my real love would be when I have the power to say no, and when I can see my own ability to improve my life, even if I am dealing with hard difficulties!!

I decided to be loved just by myself, forgiving the bad things in my past which can give me sadness, or rekindle emotions that just make me feel really lonely.

One reason behind my deep thoughts is that I have been suffering due to my low self-esteem, why?  I mean, this is related to my prejudices. I really don't know when I started to think I was not good enough, and also looking for approval from people around me.

One day I realize one thing, it is really important for me to feel happy, and fell in love to me.

These are my tips to achieve self-empowerment:

1. I am good enough.

2. I use my failures as stepping stones.

3. I am getting stronger every day.

4. I have the courage to say "NO".

5. My strength is greater than any struggle.

6. I know my worth

7. I was made not to give up.

8. I choose what I become.

9. I have the power to change my story.

10. I am unique, I am special, I am me!!

HARD TIME - WAR WARM IN UKRAINE

 

Nowadays,  we are seeing how Russia's government is releasing hard attacks against Ukraine, It's unbelievable that after facing a giant crisis due to the Coronavirus, additionally, we needed to deal with this kind of atrocious violence. Because of this hard time, I want to join people that are praying for Ukraine, in fact, we must pray together...

We need You—we always have.

You are our source of strength, and You tell us to give You all our concerns.

Bring protection and healing to the people of Ukraine. Show them that You are with them and that You hear their prayers.

Please strengthen anyone who is feeling hurt, alone, or broken. Replace any feelings of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty with Your peace and hope.

Draw near to us as we draw near to You.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen

SADNESS, FINALLY MY GRANDFATHER IS IN THE SKY!!

Today during my English class, I was understanding that everything that had been happening in my life had a reason. 

In fact,  today I mean is the best day of my life because even if I am having a hard time, I could see that something that is really important to me right now is to reinvent my life... How??? this is the big question because my strong resolution is to be aware that I am able to change my story and also find happiness by doing simple things by myself and alone. 

My loved grandfather died last Thursday, I really loved him, he was an excellent person, he was like a father to me. 

But I can't be egotistical because he was suffering due to my grandmother dying in 2020 when the pandemic time suddenly appear. When I was talking with him,  he always complained about his heart pain, he really didn't want to live his life, he needed to stay in the sky, close to god and my beautiful grandmother.

I must confess that I am really sad, but I know that he is really happy because where is right now, is a wonderful place, in there I mean he can't feel any pain and sadness.

God thank you so much, I was enjoying my younger time with him, and I just want to recall all the really funny memories close to him and obviously to my grandmother. 

ADIOS 2021

 

Por mi parte inspirada en la gente que no conozco a través del del podcast "Más cabrona que bonita" y que me ha acompañado desde la distancia y que sin saberlo, a través de las historias inspiradoras de gente realmente autentica y guerrera,  le ha dado a mi vida una un ejemplo maravilloso  de como armarme de valor para seguir, quiero compartirte lo que agradezco y lo que aprendí...

Éste año experimenté perder... perdí la esperanza cuando recibí la noticia de que mi hija tenía un tumor en su fémur y que debía someterse a una cirugía de alta complejidad en enero del 2022 para lograr seguir adelante,  recibí la noticia del fallecimiento por el Coronavirus de la persona de la cuál me enamoré y que me prometió estar conmigo siempre, perdí el examen MET y con éste resultado, la oportunidad de seguir con mis niños dictándoles las ciencias en Inglés durante el 2022, perdí la paz muchas veces al expresar descontroladamente mi descontento con los aspectos laborales que me parecían absurdos, perdí algunas de mis supuestas amistades, que me dejaron absorta al ver que frente a las dificultades o los momentos más importantes, realmente no eran mis amigos, perdí tiempo, por creer que con lo que estaba haciendo era suficiente, pero a la vez aprendí que cada minuto tiene un precio alto y que no se puede dejar esfumar.

Experimenté fracasar, decidí aprender, entendí que no pasa nada y que aquel gran reto siempre llega con sabiduría de como salir viva de ésta, viajé en el tiempo al recordar, al estar, al soñar, agradezco aquellos momentos de entender el pasado y comprender  por qué y para qué, y decido soltar hoy todo aquello a lo que aún no le encuentro explicación, descubrí que en el dolor hay belleza, que los momentos de duelo son necesarios y realmente sanadores, que las dificultades te rompen para reconstruir una versión de ti mucho más fuerte, y que al ver atrás esos momentos se convierten en cimientos para tus nuevos pasos, unos más sabios.... me sumergí en muchos momentos de silencio viendo el
pasar del tiempo, de los pendientes de aquello que da prisa pero no importancia, invité en mi camino a mi compañera "la soledad" y la sensación de satisfacción al estar sola conmigo y entender que la felicidad es estar ligera con mi hogar, no necesitar nada más que estar en paz y siendo leal a mis principios y valores.

Regreso a Colombia: 12 de enero 2020. AMOR REAL EN EL FRUVAR.

Después de durar dos meses en Canadá en la Isla del Príncipe Eduardo, el tiempo se detuvo y conocí a un hombre que tuvo la habilidad de convencerme de que sus sueños coincidían con los míos, Al final de la historia, es como si el tiempo se hubiera congelado durante todo el 2020, apareció el "Coronavirus "y con él se aprendió a vivir de una manera diferente y más consciente de que la vida es un soplo y que nada dura para siempre.

Viví la relación, luche en contra de mi misma, de la impulsividad que me caracteriza y finalmente en Enero del 2021 solté, pero no sabia que lo había soltado realmente para siempre... Se fue de la tierra, murió a causa de éste virus que nos arrinconó, murió, como han muerto ya muchas personas, murió para su familia y para sus hijos por los que tenía una razón para aferrarse a las luchas diarias. 

La conclusión definitivamente fue... escuchar atentamente, analizar las intenciones, entender que los fracasos no son puertas cerradas, que son ventanas por las que la luz pasa para mostrarte que en el momento más oscuro, siempre hay esperanza.